Wow - you've got a real message here about the power of hard work - BUT - in a story such as yours with so much inequality, it does feel a bit like 'life isn't fair, but hey, work hard anyway!' :)
A couple of things: your story is still too complex for 60 seconds, or at least it's going to struggle to achieve all those scenes adequately in the running time. I think it needs to get simpler still. Also - you don't really use your space-station at all.
I have an idea: it's a bit more 'revolutionary' than your original message, but hey, I'm a romantic! Okay - so let's assume that the poor factory workers who wear shoes - but make the stilts for the richer people - are tired of working to make stilts (think Metropolis!) and that your boy character is the romantic who wants to change the world. He thinks everyone should live equally - and so the space station for the rich is his target; he wants to take the fight to the space-station. So - how can he do that? How can the workers get up to the space-station? Hmmm - well, what would happen if they tied all those stilts together to make a HUGE ladder or tower or staircase that reached high into space, so that the poorest in society could drag themselves up towards equality and justice!? It could make for such a poetic image - all the factory workers using the stilts (symbol of their oppression) to build a ladder (symbol of their hopes) to reach the space-station (symbol of injustice)!
I don't think your story should be about living in this world, but rather changing it! :)
Think 'Metropolis!' - Your character being the 'heart' between the head (the space-station) and the hands (the factory workers).... !!!
OGR 23/01/24
ReplyDeleteHey Candice,
Wow - you've got a real message here about the power of hard work - BUT - in a story such as yours with so much inequality, it does feel a bit like 'life isn't fair, but hey, work hard anyway!' :)
A couple of things: your story is still too complex for 60 seconds, or at least it's going to struggle to achieve all those scenes adequately in the running time. I think it needs to get simpler still. Also - you don't really use your space-station at all.
I have an idea: it's a bit more 'revolutionary' than your original message, but hey, I'm a romantic! Okay - so let's assume that the poor factory workers who wear shoes - but make the stilts for the richer people - are tired of working to make stilts (think Metropolis!) and that your boy character is the romantic who wants to change the world. He thinks everyone should live equally - and so the space station for the rich is his target; he wants to take the fight to the space-station. So - how can he do that? How can the workers get up to the space-station? Hmmm - well, what would happen if they tied all those stilts together to make a HUGE ladder or tower or staircase that reached high into space, so that the poorest in society could drag themselves up towards equality and justice!? It could make for such a poetic image - all the factory workers using the stilts (symbol of their oppression) to build a ladder (symbol of their hopes) to reach the space-station (symbol of injustice)!
I don't think your story should be about living in this world, but rather changing it! :)
Think 'Metropolis!' - Your character being the 'heart' between the head (the space-station) and the hands (the factory workers).... !!!
thank you Phil,
Deletei really like my original story but i don't know how to end or how they go to the space. And thank you for your idea:)